Month: January 2009

I was cleaning up the house over the weekend and found a piece of paper taped to the back of a picture which I think was given to us during pre-marriage counseling with the church we were going to.  Today is my parent’s wedding anniversary so it is especially timely.  For those of you getting married (you know who you are), hope you find this helpful.  Marriage is like fuel you put in your car, every now and then you have to fill it up before the tank empties for it to keep going.

1. We will do our best not to go to sleep while we are still angry with each other.  We will work hard to achieve peace before shutting our eyes.
2. We will not add a burden to our relationship by living beyond our means.  It only creates chronic discomfort and triggers an argument.
3. We will try hard to respect each other’s different way of being in the world.  We will allow that there is not just one way of doing something.
4. We will each take responsibility for our own contributions to the problem we have, rather than point a finger at our partner.
5. We will remember to celebrate our strengths as a couple.  These are easy to forget when we are locked in conflict.
6. We will agree that violence can never be a part of our relationship.
7. We will accept each other as wonderful, flawed human beings with limits.
8. We will expand our support system so that our relationship does not carry the entire burden when we are under stress.
9. We will each take the risk of reaching beyond old, familiar ways of relating and discover a new mutually-rewarding way of experiencing the love that brought us together.
10. We will become skilled in the art of forgiving each other.
11. We will listen respectfully to each other.  We need not agree, but we do need to be heard – and to hear.
12. We will commit ourselves to maintaining a healthy partnership knowing that it takes work to create a rewarding life together.