Aphorisms

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Aphorism:
A short, pointed sentence expressing a wise or clever observation or a general truth.

  1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
  2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
  3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t  have any sense at all.
  4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
  5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
  6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
  7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
  8. Why is it that at class reunions, you feel younger than everyone else looks?
  9. Scratch a cat, and you will have a permanent job.
  10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
  11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
  12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. – Like this: It could be a right number.
  13. No one ever says, ‘It’s only a game.’ when their team is winning.
  14. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
  15. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
  16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
  17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!
  18. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a GT500 than in a Yugo.
  19. After 60, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!
  20. Always be yourself. Because the people that matter, don’t mind. And the one’s that mind, don’t matter.
  21. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

The White Crayon

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OK, now that I have a child, I remember wondering about things I haven’t thought about in a long time.  My son Tyler likes to draw, well, scribble for now, and the other day he was drawing, and he pulled out the white crayon.  He scribbled with the white crayon and looked perplexed why it wasn’t producing color on the paper.  This leads me to ask: why do we have a white crayon in the crayon box of life, does anyone actually use it, and if so for what purpose? According to the Urban Dictionary, if someone is a “white crayon” it means they are utterly useless.

In 1903, when the Crayola crayons were first introduced, the white crayon was not one of the first original colors. It was added in 1949 following the aftermath of WWII.  Someone asked what the white crayon is used for on Yahoo Answers (glad I’m not the only one) and below is the community’s best answer: “They are best used for adding glare and highlights to your colored drawings. They provide more depth and interest than just flat color because they make objects have a reflectance value and your drawings will pop.”  OK, that sounds nice in theory but common who uses that crayon?

If something is white, it means it is the presence of the combination of all colors in the visible spectrum, which is really powerful if you think about it.  I mean, if a color has all colors in it, and the result is no color at all, maybe God is trying to tell us something. Perhaps our world focuses too much on color, and we need to see life as the white crayon (with no color at all).

The Blind Woman (Email I Received)

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There was a blind woman who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, ‘If I could only see the world, I will marry you.’ One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her, ‘Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?’ The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn’t expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: ‘Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.’ This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.  Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations. Life is a gift today, so before you say an unkind word, think of someone who can’t speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food, think of someone who has nothing to eat.  Before you complain about your husband or wife, think of someone who’s crying out to God for a companion.  Today, before you complain about life, think of someone who went too early to Heaven.  Before whining about the distance you drive, think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.  And when you are tired and complain about your job, think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.  And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down, put a smile on your face and think: you’re alive and still around.

Vibram’s FiveFingers

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I was walking yesterday with someone who had twisted their ankle a few days prior which led to a conversation about shoes.  I said I had seen Tim Ferris wearing glove like shoes for your feet and had heard even before seeing them that running barefoot was actually better for you than wearing tennis shoes.  Ironically I saw an article today about Vibram’s FiveFingers “shoes” which basically let you go barefoot without tearing up your feet so I decided to blog about it. The premise is going shoeless allows the foot to flex and better absorb shock.  When people wear shoes they tend to land on their heels.  Wired has a great article about it if you want to read more.  I think if you were to wear them you would probably get some strange looks but has anyone tried them yet?

Running Shoe v. Vibram FiveFingers

Marriage Counseling

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Husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the male therapist got up, walked around the desk, and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?’  The husband thought for a moment and replied, ‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays,… I fish.

The New Corvette & The State Trooper

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A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. ‘Amazing,’ he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, ‘What am I doing? I’m too old for this,’ and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The old gentleman paused. Then said, “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”  “Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.

If The World Were A Village of 100

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If we could reduce the world’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, the demographics would look something like this:

  • The village would have 60 Asians, 14 Africans, 12 Europeans, 8 Latin Americans, 5 from the USA and Canada, and 1 from the South Pacific
  • 51 would be male, 49 would be female
  • 82 would be non-white; 18 white
  • 67 would be non-Christian; 33 would be Christian
  • 80 would live in substandard housing
  • 67 would be unable to read
  • 50 would be malnourished and 1 dying of starvation
  • 33 would be without access to a safe water supply
  • 39 would lack access to improved sanitation
  • 24 would not have any electricity (And of the 76 that do have electricity, most would only use it for light at night.)
  • 7 people would have access to the Internet
  • 1 would have a college education
  • 1 would have HIV
  • 2 would be near birth; 1 near death would control 32% of the entire world’s wealth; all 5 would be US citizens

Source: http://www.familycare.org/