Category: Random Stuff (Misc.)

No Hitting!

When Your Toddler Starts Hitting

Different Approaches to a Common Parenting Challenge

No Hitting Sign

My son Tyler has started hitting, and I think there are different ways to address the problem, which is why I am writing this blog post. Some say spank, some say to tell him no, some may hit back and some say to give him a hug. As parents, we often receive conflicting advice about how to handle challenging behaviors.

Common Approaches to Toddler Hitting

Punishment

Spanking or other physical discipline

❌ Not recommended

Verbal Correction

Saying “No” or “Stop” each time

⚠️ Mixed results

Redirection

“Don’t hit, hug instead”

⚠️ Partial solution

Teaching Skills

“Use your words” approach

✅ Recommended

My Approach

My way of addressing hitting is to not react immediately and then if the behavior continues to address it by stating “no hitting please, use your words” (God bless Nanny 911). My concern is if you constantly react to him hitting he will learn that hitting gets your attention, which is negative reinforcement.

He is hitting because something isn’t going his way, he can’t express how he feels so he gets frustrated and hits, or he isn’t getting the attention he wants.

When people say “don’t hit daddy, hug daddy” that doesn’t accomplish much in my opinion because he didn’t want to hug in the first place, he wanted something else. By saying no hitting every time he hits, I would be negatively reinforcing the action, which doesn’t help him address what he wanted in the first place.

My Three-Step Approach

1

Acknowledge Feelings

Recognize that your child is frustrated and validate their emotions, even if their expression is inappropriate.

2

Offer Help

Demonstrate willingness to understand what they actually want and assist them in getting their needs met appropriately.

3

Teach Better Ways

Explain that hitting isn’t appropriate while reinforcing that you still love them (which is where a hug might be appropriate, after addressing the underlying issue).

I don’t believe in spanking, so don’t even recommend that.

My method is to acknowledge the fact that he is frustrated, acknowledge I want to help, and finally tell him his reaction wasn’t appropriate, but I still love him.

Join the Conversation

What do you think is the best way to handle hitting?