A Parent’s Plea: Please Don’t Help My Kids
On Letting Children Learn Through Challenges
One parent’s plea to the other parents at the playground: please don’t help my kids.
“They’re not here to be at the top of the ladder; they are here to learn to climb. If they can’t do it on their own, they will survive the disappointment. What’s more, they will have a goal and the incentive to work to achieve it.
In the meantime, they can use the stairs. I want them to tire of their own limitations and decide to push past them and put in the effort to make that happen without any help from me.
It is not my job — and it is certainly not yours — to prevent my children from feeling frustration, fear, or discomfort. If I do, I have robbed them of the opportunity to learn that those things are not the end of the world, and can be overcome or used to their advantage.
If they get stuck, it is not my job to save them immediately. If I do, I have robbed them of the opportunity to learn to calm themselves, assess their situation, and try to problem-solve their own way out of it.
It is not my job to keep them from falling. If I do, I have robbed them of the opportunity to learn that falling is possible but worth the risk, and that they can, in fact, get up again.”
Building Resilience
Children develop emotional strength when allowed to experience and overcome manageable challenges.
Problem-Solving
When children work through difficulties independently, they develop critical thinking skills and confidence.
Healthy Risk-Taking
Learning to assess and take appropriate risks is an essential life skill that children develop through play.
“They’re not here to be at the top of the ladder; they are here to learn to climb.”
Questions for Parents
- How often do you find yourself rushing to help your child before they’ve had a chance to try solving a problem?
- What small risks can you allow your child to take that will help them build confidence?
- How can you support your child’s independence while still keeping them safe?