“Let’s start with a premise that I don’t think a lot of Americans are aware of. We have five percent of the world’s population; we have 25 percent of the world’s known prison population. There are only two possibilities here: either we have the most evil people on earth living in the United States; or we are doing something dramatically wrong in terms of how we approach the issue of criminal justice,”
I have this photo hanging in my house, love it for some reason. This presentation reviews some of the historical photographs captured by Charles Ebbets in the early 1930’s. Most of them depict daily scenes of the workers who participated in the construction of the skyscrapers between 1920 and 1935. As you will see, the safety measures were somewhat peculiar and the photos were done trying to play down that situation.
Keeping Your Relationship Tank Full
I was cleaning up the house over the weekend and found a piece of paper taped to the back of a picture, which I think was given to us during pre-marriage counseling with the church we were going to. Today is my parent’s wedding anniversary, so it is especially timely. For those of you getting married (you know who you are), hope you find this helpful. Marriage is like fuel you put in your car, every now and then you have to fill it up before the tank empties for it to keep going.
We will do our best not to go to sleep while we are still angry with each other. We will work hard to achieve peace before shutting our eyes.
We will not add a burden to our relationship by living beyond our means. It only creates chronic discomfort and triggers an argument.
We will try hard to respect each other’s different way of being in the world. We will allow that there is not just one way of doing something.
We will each take responsibility for our own contributions to the problem we have, rather than point a finger at our partner.
We will remember to celebrate our strengths as a couple. These are easy to forget when we are locked in conflict.
We will agree that violence can never be a part of our relationship.
We will accept each other as wonderful, flawed human beings with limits.
We will expand our support system so that our relationship does not carry the entire burden when we are under stress.
We will each take the risk of reaching beyond old, familiar ways of relating and discover a new, mutually-rewarding way of experiencing the love that brought us together.
We will become skilled in the art of forgiving each other.
We will listen respectfully to each other. We need not agree, but we do need to be heard — and to hear.
We will commit ourselves to maintaining a healthy partnership, knowing that it takes work to create a rewarding life together.
Listen deeply, speak truthfully, and resolve conflicts before they fester.
Embrace each other’s unique qualities and differences with love and understanding.
Remember that lasting relationships require ongoing attention, care, and effort.
“Marriage is like fuel you put in your car, every now and then you have to fill it up before the tank empties for it to keep going.”
There is a saying that life emulates art, but being a self-proclaimed geek and knowing next to nothing about art, my life has always seemed to emulate technology. Have you ever stopped and thought about how great it would be to have a TiVo for your life? Do you buy cable TV and get all that life has to offer, or are you satisfied with what life gives you over the airwaves? If you have a TiVo would you fast-forward ahead to see what happens, or would you wait patiently through the commercials of life? Would you maybe rewind and do something over again? Maybe something in life is going really well, and you want it to last, so you put life into slow motion. Perhaps something is not going well and you want it to stop. Then there are times in life where you say you know what, I think this show looks good, I think I’ll hit play and give it a shot. Sometimes life goes too fast, and you want to hit the pause button to get caught up on other things or do something else. Do you listen to TiVo’s recommendations or decide what is right for your own life? At the end of the day, our TiVo can only hold so many hours, so make the most of it, as hard drives don’t last forever and neither do our lives. Get busy living or get busy dying, but promise me you’ll TiVo it for me, so I can see what happens. 
We went to a new Safeway in downtown Portland’s Pearl District this morning. It is literally right across the street from Bridgeport Brewing which is pretty cool. They have a parking garage above the store and a stairwell down from the garage gives you a nice view of the store (pictured above). It was actually pretty fun because I ran into two people I used to work with almost three years ago now in the store (Kathy Tribe and Melanie Carrol). >> More on the store
Timeless Wisdom for Love That Endures
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
— unknown
If you are in a relationship, here are some tips to staying in that relationship:
Always put her first — before work, friends, even basketball. Act as if she’s the best thing that ever happened to you, because we all know she is.
Keep no secrets. Pool your money. Allow nothing and no one to come between you.
Pick your fights with care. Play fair. Show some class. Hurtful words can be forgiven, but they’re hard to forget.
Fall in love again every day. Kiss her in taxis. Flirt with her at parties. Tell her she’s beautiful. Then tell her again.
Never miss an anniversary or a birthday or a chance to make a memory. Memories may not seem important now, but one day they’ll be gold.
Never give her a practical gift. If she really wants a Shop-Vac, let her pick it out herself.
Go to church together, and pray every day for each other and your marriage.
Pay your bills on time and make sure you each have a living will, a durable power of attorney and life insurance, lest, God forbid, you need them.
Love her parents as your own, but don’t ask them for money. Never criticize her family or friends. On her birthday, send flowers to her mother with a note saying, “Thank you for giving birth to the love of my life.”
Always listen to her heart. If you’re wrong, say you’re sorry; if you’re right, shut up.
Don’t half-tie the knot; plan to stay married forever.
Never go to bed mad; talk until you’re over it, or you forget why you were mad.
Laugh together a lot. If you can laugh at yourselves, you’ll have plenty to laugh about.
Never criticize, correct or interrupt her in public; try not to do it in private, either.
Remember that people are the least lovable when they are most in need of love.
Never fall for the myth of perfectionism; it’s a lie.
When you don’t like each other, remember that you love each other; pray for the “good days” to return and they will.
Tell the truth, only the truth, with great kindness.
Kiss at least 10 seconds a day, all at once or spread out.
Memorize all her favorite things and amaze her with how very well you know her.
Examine your relationship as often as you change the oil in your car; keep steering it on a path you both want it to go.
Be content with what you have materially, honest about where you are emotionally, and never stop growing spiritually.
Never raise your voice unless you’re on fire. Whisper when you argue.
Be both friends and lovers; in a blackout, light a candle, then make your own sparks.
Finally, be an interesting person, lead your own life. But always save your best for each other. In the end, you will know you were better together than you ever could’ve been apart.
Listen deeply, speak kindly, and remember that how you say something matters as much as what you say.
Choose each other every day, prioritize your relationship, and approach challenges as a team.
Never stop dating each other, express your love daily, and keep the spark alive through thoughtful gestures.
Reflections on Human Nature and Contentment
Every day on my way to work, I pass cows eating grass in the fields of lovely Livermore, CA. Every morning, there is always at least one cow who has decided that the grass on the other side of the fence is greener and sticks his (or her) head through it. It is interesting because, like cows, humans don’t want to be constrained by choices and when obstacles are put in our way we always seem to want to break through them. When I see the cows stretching their necks through the barbed wire fencing, I always ask myself, “I wonder if the grass that cow is eating on the other side of the fence is really that much different (or better) than the grass inside their enclosure?”
Ask someone what they want, and chances are they will respond with “I don’t care.” Tell someone what they are going to do and more than likely they are going to tell you their opinion on the matter when a moment ago they did not care. Try it next time you are deciding where to go to lunch as a group. You always get the standard “I don’t know” any time someone is asked where they want to go, but when you recommend sushi, isn’t it interesting how they suddenly change their mind and say “how about McDonald’s?”
If you are working, you probably think what it would be like to work for another company. If you are in a relationship, you probably ask yourself what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone else. I can go on, but the point is if you aren’t happy today, you probably won’t be happy tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong, though, if you have an obstacle from stopping you from being happy, moooove that obstacle and be happy!
We naturally resist constraints and desire what seems just out of reach.
Happiness comes from within rather than from changing external circumstances.
We often don’t know what we want until someone suggests something we don’t want.
“If you aren’t happy today, you probably won’t be happy tomorrow.”
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
I love you,
Vinnie
My dad emailed me this story, so I Google’d his name hoping it was true, but it doesn’t look like it is. Great story though, it can be applied to several things in life.
Several years ago the Great Gadzoni had just completed a challenging tightrope walk across Niagra Falls. The wind was howling and stinging rain pelted him as he inched across the rope. Met with enthusiastic applause on the other side, the Great Gadzoni was wringing the water from his cape when an excited fan approached, urging him to make a return trip but this time pushing a wheelbarrow, which the fan just happened to have with him.
The Great Gadzoni was hesitant, having barely made the first trip across in the high winds and pouring rain. But the spectator insisted, stating that he knew the Great Gadzoni could do it.
“You can do it. I know you can” the fan insisted.
The Great Gadzoni thought for a moment. “You really believe I can do it?”
“Yes, definitely” the fan responded.
“OK,” said Gadzoni. “Get in.”
Real conviction means being willing to put yourself on the line for what you claim to believe in.
It’s easy to express confidence with words, but our willingness to act reveals our true convictions.
When we truly trust someone or something, we’re willing to place our well-being in their hands.
“OK,” said Gadzoni. “Get in.”
Understanding How Men Die in America
The stark infographic above presents a sobering look at the causes of death for men in the United States in 2008. While we often fear the sensational – shark attacks, lightning strikes, or spider bites – the data reveals a different reality about what truly threatens men’s lives.
This visualization puts into perspective both the major killers and the statistical rarities, challenging us to reconsider our perception of risk.
While we often fear the dramatic and sensational causes of death, the data tells us that lifestyle-related diseases like cancer and heart disease pose a far greater risk. Media coverage and popular culture may fuel our fear of sharks or lightning, but the statistics reveal a different reality.
Understanding the true causes of mortality can help us make better decisions about our health and safety. The data suggests that we should focus our preventive efforts on:
While it’s natural to fear the dramatic and unusual, the statistics show that our attention and preventive efforts are better directed toward the less sensational but far more common causes of death.
Sources: American Cancer Society, CDC, National Safety Council (2008 data)
Were you surprised by any of these statistics? Has this information changed how you think about health risks? Share your thoughts in the comments below.